Long Island Center for Divorce Solutions
Deciding to divorce is difficult and should not be done lightly. Unfortunately, many couples rush into divorce without taking the time to consider why they want a divorce. Before deciding to divorce you should ask yourself the following questions:
Do I still have feelings for my spouse?
If you still have strong feelings for your spouse it may be wiser to stop and consider alternatives to divorce. If you and your spouse still have strong feelings for one another attempting counseling and/or mediation may be a better first step than filing divorce papers with the family court.
Is this divorce what I want or is it just a threat?
When you feel unable to change a situation or you have control issues with your spouse, threatening a divorce may be an attempt to gain some control. However, it’s a good idea to examine the reasons why you want a divorce before following through on the threat. If you determine that your desire for a divorce is founded in feelings of anger, frustration or to give your spouse a wake-up call, then there may be other alternatives to resolving the issues without ending your marriage.
Why do I want a divorce?
Often emotional reasons drive the desire for a divorce such as:
- Wanting to change a spouse’s behavior
- Getting a spouse to see what they could lose
- Inflicting pain on a spouse as payback for the pain they have caused
However, a divorce doesn’t bring about any of the above changes; it only ends your marriage.
Am I ready and able to face the consequences of a divorce?
The consequences of a divorce are often profound and difficult and greatly affect the dynamics of your family life. If you decide to divorce you may face:
- A change of lifestyle
- Increased financial obligations
- A loss of friends and/or extended family members
- Losing your spouse
- Negative emotional impact on your children
Mediated divorce—a less stressful and reasonable approach
If after considering the hard questions, you decide that you want a divorce then a mediated divorce may be the most beneficial approach for your circumstances. An experienced Long Island divorce mediator can help you negotiate a divorce that preserves dignity, decency and fairness for all parties.