Divorce Revenge—Is it Worth it?

Author:Gary Salatto
Long Island Center for Divorce Mediation

Spouses who ask for a divorce or strive to take more than what is fair in a divorce settlement, often do so to cause their ex spouse pain.  And although divorce revenge may make you feel better about what was done to you, the feeling of satisfaction is fleeting and can potentially do a lot of harm.

 Divorce revenge can take many forms and can include:

  • False accusations of infidelity
  • Destruction of property
  • Pitting your children against your ex spouse
  • Hiding assets or mischaracterizing them as non-marital property
  • Spreading rumors or slandering your ex in order to harm his/her reputation
  • Falsely alleging domestic or child abuse
  • Claiming non-marital property as marital property
  • Stalking your ex spouse, or friends or associates of your ex spouse
  • Denying your ex spouse to access to your children

And although it is understandable that when you are deeply hurt that you may want to lash out at the cause of that emotional pain, the repercussions of getting revenge can have very serious consequences, including:

  • Large monetary fines
  • Possible jail time
  • Reduction, restrictions and/or denial of custody/visitation of your children
  • Loss or reduction of spousal support

The momentary relief you may feel by inflicting pain on your ex-spouse is rarely worth the long-term effects your actions can have on you and your family.

 Taking the High Road with Divorce Mediation

The hurt and betrayal you may be feeling can make it difficult to take the high road in your divorce but finding a way to do so, will make it easier on you and your children in the long run.  Divorce mediation is an alternative approach to litigated divorce that strives to make divorce a win-win proposition.  An experienced Long Island divorce mediator can help you work through your problems with your spouse and arrive at a workable solution for your divorce issues.  Talk to a divorce mediator to learn how divorce mediation can work for you.




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