Divorce: Four Things Your Ex Needs to Hear You Say

Divorce is messy.  It changes everything.  It has the power to depress and upset you and affect your entire outlook on life.  So it is easy to feel justified in striking out and not acting like your higher self.

However, even though you are moving apart, chances are, your ex spouse will still be part of your life.  Especially if you have children.  So fostering a better relationship with your ex sooner rather than later is something to consider.

You have probably already said many things to your ex that you regret but try the following and see if things improve:

  1. What do you think? It’s pretty simple, really, just ask his or her opinion on something.  It does not have to be a big issue, in fact, it might be better if it is something simple, like what color to paint the kids’ room.  By asking your ex spouse’s opinion, it shows that you still respect and value their opinion.
  2. I’m sorry. Offering a sincere apology can go a long way in improving a relationship with anyone.  If you have done or said something for which you are sorry, then tell your ex.  You may be amazed by how much that relieves the tension between you.
  3. I forgive you. Maybe there was a time when you believed you would never be able to forgive your ex for what he or she did.  But forgiving your ex not only helps him or her to move on, but you too.  Living in the past and hanging onto hurt feelings keeps you from moving on and living your life in the here and now.
  4. Please and thank you. If you have children, your ex spouse will be a part of your life forever, and showing basic respect can go a long way:  Good manners, politeness and consideration of your ex spouse’s feelings are vital in successfully co-parenting.  These behaviors are also a good example for your kids and help them to feel more secure and stable despite the divorce.

Keep the lines of communication open

It can often be stressful and difficult to get along with your ex spouse but making the effort can really pay off.  However, if you can’t reach an agreement,  or are having difficulty resolving an issue with your ex, consider talking to a NY divorce mediator for help.  An experienced mediator can offer advice on the best approach to resolve your issues.



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